less

One resounding and repeating message we receive as women;

be less in order to be good enough.


bodies
we need to weigh less, and be critiqued that we are too caught up in our looks. we need to monitor what we eat, in order to weigh less, resulting in our being accused with having an eating problem. if we eat, the same will be said. if we choose to opt out, to not participate in the fixation on our bodies, our weight, we will be punished. how? if we end up 'too' fat, less clothing options, and public and private ridicule, for starters. after that it will impact everything from our work to our health care.

sex
we need to have less sex, but we need to have more sex. less sex with people of our choosing, more sex with people that others choose for us. this one is pretty straight forward. slut shaming is real, and, lets not lie to ourselves, we have ALL participated in it. it doesn't mean we all need to CONTINUE participating in it.

capabilities
we need to not 'show' men up. if we happen to be handy, smart, or anything else a man might want to be, we need to not 'brag'. we need to let men take credit for the 'manly' things we do.. and by manly, we mean anything that men respect. if you are at work, and a man takes credit for your 'logic' that is okay, as men just logic better. besides, if not for a man allowing us women to be at work, we wouldn't even be there! at a home, if we women happen to be handy or even stronger than our men folks, we need to let them take credit for it. trust me, it won't be hard. everyone will assume that he did it anyway. and, gods forbid you are allowed to take credit for your 'manly' work, you will have to make up for it, by being extra girly in other ways.. maybe wear lots of makeup, cook lots, and take the jeering that will come along with your usurping your man. if anyone even believes you. doubtful they will. if they do, they will also feel a bit sorry for your man.
however
if he does 'womanly' things, like actually look after his own kids, you will be made to feel badly that he had to. after all, isn't that your job? gods forbid he changes diapers, and if he does, he will in all likely hood receive sainthood for it. as well he deserves, for babysitting is kids.. my gods woman, the nerve!!

space
if we women get a space, like say, a craft/hobby/sewing room, we express our gratitude by making things. we cannot spend our time doing nothing! we probably spend tons of time shopping and spending our mens money anyway! lol!!
men, they get a man cave in which they do.. nothing. they watch tv, play games, maybe they tie flies, maybe they have a garage and build / fix things.. if they do, they will no doubt equate the kitchen as our domain.
we need to apologize if the do take up space, we need to atone. from sitting down on public transit, where we keep all limbs as close to our body as we can, saying sorry when we do ask for the seat blocked by others... we contort and squeeze ourselves into the space left for us. we say sorry.
we understand men naturally take up more space. we make fun of women who demand the same. we accuse them of being whiny. we point fingers at them. we negate their experiences and call into question their ability to 'reason' and 'logic'.

history
i am not sure how much i need to actually say about this. men feature predominantly in our history lessons, books, art, and knowledge. we are told, of course, it is because women don't do anything noteworthy, only to find out that they do.. and then again, we are told that they only did because men allowed, facilitated or supported us in doing so. as if any man acted in a bubble of complete self reliance. but we cannot questions to much, or we again, are told we are irrational, and have no place in academia if we can't control our emotions.

emotions
men are allowed to be passionate, moody, and even violent in the name of emotions. love, sports, territory, family or just stress justify a mans (usually violent or aggressive) expression of emotions. we women, we are told to get a grip, take control of ourselves, and even to 'see things his way' when we express ourselves. or we are ridiculed. don't believe me?
take a sporting event. watch the men. see them freak out? riot even?
take a boy band. watch women crying, make fun of the emotion.
what is the difference? we place more value on the entertainment when done by men, for men, than when it is done by men, for women.

i could go on and on. and on and on.

until we get to a place when what is viewed as traditional 'female' is not viewed as less, we won't conquer the issue of gender favouritism. we all need to examen how we react to the above issues, and more. how we are willing to excuse the poor treatment of women and girls... and men who choose to embrace the 'feminine' parts of themselves. we really need to get rid of the boxes. as much as we can.