As an 'older' woman dating, who was once a younger woman dating, I can't help but notice the 'trend' of older to much older men preferring to date young women.
The most messaged age for a woman is 26, according to some statistics, and I am sure other studies might quote a slightly younger or older age as THE most desirable, we cannot get past the fact that youth is VERY attractive to a large group of men.
To the point that is is completely normal, and unquestioned that younger women are in fact, THE most desirable.
When I was younger, I assumed when I was older myself, I would understand this fixation on youth, from men.
Well, her I am, 44 with a 27 year old son. And, I am not the least bit sexually attracted to men my sons age. In fact, I have a hard time seeing people more than 7 years up or down from my age as potential partners, or sexually attracted to them.
Now, to be fair, we all have different things that turn our cranks. Some people like youth, some people like nerds, some people like slim, and on and on.. some people even like beards, canes, and vests. Different strokes, and all that. Diversity makes the world interesting.
But, here is where I have issues.
When people argue, BUT SCIENCE!!
These science lovers argue that men are mainly interested in dating younger women as biology dictates they can reproduce with younger and thusly more fertile, women. They can't help it!! It is beyond their control, and completely natural to be attracted to younger women.. cuts BABIES.
Really? REALLY? men LOVERS THEM SOME BABIES. Cuts BIOLOGY!!
If this were true, that NATURE and BIOLOGY dictate that men are attracted to youth because hey just NEED BABIES so badly.. well, what were they doing with their youth? Where they all out having families and BABIES?
man, 'OMG DID you see that hugely pregnant lady! Her husband is the LUCKIEST MAN ever!! I bet that lucky bastard is having TWINS!!!' he enthuses.."why, I would happily work 2 jobs to support a large family, sadly my wife and I have only had 4 children.. and I LOVE THEM SO much.'
Man to his partner 'I think it is time to get little Timmy his first baby doll toy, I think it is only natural that we foster fatherly feelings in him. No doubt he will want a large family, like his dad, lots of babies!!"
Men at the 'water cooler' .. man 1bragging..'my wife is still chubby from our last baby, it almost looks like she is still pregnant..' man 2 'wow you are one lucky man.. my wife only wanted 2 children, and a break in-between... i sure wish she were younger and could have many many more babies. Sadly we we waited a few years to start a family. You were so smart to marry young, even if you have to work double shifts and can't afford decent housing, hobbies or a nice car, IT IS SO worth it to have lots of babies. most natural thing in the world."
And of course, with men JUST LOVING them some babies, we NEVER hear about 'dead beat dads' or a man responding with ANYTHING LESS THAN UNBRIDLED PASSION when his partner announces her pregnancy. CUS BIOLOGY!!
Right? MEN LOVE and NEED them some babies. THAT explains men in their 40s-60s looking to date women in their 20s!! MY GODS this is so simple! how can we deny men babies? Sure, it SEEMS unfair to deny a women her youth having babies for old men, but these men CLEARLY could not have babies in their youth, no doubt they were all locked up and CRUELY PREVENTED from having babies in their own youth. It is only natural they are seeking out younger women, not due to ATTRACTION or social conditioning, but mainly and almost exclusively due to biology.
Yes, it sounds ridiculous. Yet I and other women are supposed to understand then men our age chase women 10-20 years younger. We are told to not be bitter, or silly, it isn't personal, it is BIOLOGY and you can't fight nature!
and the young women subjected to years of unwanted attentions from older men, their feelings and preferences are ignored. they are told to 'be flattered' and to understand, its biology. if you look 'breedable' you have to expect men can't control their urges and will solicit your attentions.
even if you are as young as 12, which is when MANY women start to experience the sexual attentions of older men. Doubt me? Honestly, I don't really care. I have talked to enough women, and, I am a women, and I am telling you, this is pretty standard.
but, do your own research if you need to. I am not doing that here. this is my blog, my opinions. based on my life, my experiences.
moving on. I think we can see that the baby / biology argument is false.
So, why DO men want younger women? Some men are honest enough to say, they simply LIKE the look, the energy, the way younger women make them feel.
Okay, fair enough :)
You like her energy as you yourself have the energy of a 20 year old? Really? I won't even argue this one. If you honestly believe you have that level of energy, go for it. BUT don't shame her into staying home and chilling when she wants to go out, okay?
Men like how a younger woman makes them feel. At least this is honest. Shallow, but honest.
Yet, I think there is another reason men like younger women. IF they only like the energy and 'youthful' looks, they would date young looking, energetic women their own age. BUT....they don't.. they are drawn to the inexperience of the younger women. They want to be with someone who 'doesn't nag them' to get a job, pay a bill, or 'make something' of their lives. They harp on how women their own age are too 'baggy and demanding'.
Really, do a google search why dating a younger women is a good thing...
Men actually admit to this, without shame.
Now, am I upset some immature and possibly irresponsible men want to capitalize on dating a younger woman? Do I think they should be denied this because I find it distasteful?
NO. But I do think we need to stop excusing this behaviour with the cries of 'but biology' and hold men to a higher standard.
From the ill effects we see in hollywood where a woman plays mother to men OLDER than her, to denying the feelings and experiences of young women, this failed thinking and excuse making only hurts decent men, and many many women and young ladies.
Sunday, 29 November 2015
Wednesday, 11 November 2015
My First Sex Toy
Thats correct, I am in my mid forties and have finally taken the plunge, my first vibrator.
The purchase;
one pretty pink, sparkly gel 6.5 vibe vibrator
watermelon heating lube
toy cleaner
water based lube
From Pink Cherry
The Vibe. Battery operated. Smaller than I thought it would be, but, it did the job.
I did some reading online, how to use a vibrator for the first time. It suggested that one prepare oneself for insertion.
Honestly, I have no idea why I waited so long to get one! It was awesome.
I wish i would have gotten one 15 years ago.. at least. I had a G spot orgasim within minutes of use. I was worried it would be awkward to use. you twist the bast to turn it on, and increase the vibrations. It was pretty quiet as well.. important if you don't live alone!
The lube; the Wet, heating watermelon lube, just a small amount, and yet, it does get you in the mood. it does taste sweet, but it is a tiny bit sticky.
There were two water based lubes, one pink cherry brand, the other, I forget. Great idea, again, WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG TO GET LUBE!!!!
I have already ordered a larger vibrator and more lube. I am sure it will be nice to use, if I ever have sex with a person again..LOL
The new vibrator is 7.5 inches..maybe I will let you know....
verdict. Online shopping for sex toys, easy peasy. It really does come in a plain brown box. If you don't have one, GET ONE!! or two. Start smaller, GET LUBE!!! and enjoy.
The purchase;
one pretty pink, sparkly gel 6.5 vibe vibrator
watermelon heating lube
toy cleaner
water based lube
From Pink Cherry
The Vibe. Battery operated. Smaller than I thought it would be, but, it did the job.
I did some reading online, how to use a vibrator for the first time. It suggested that one prepare oneself for insertion.
Honestly, I have no idea why I waited so long to get one! It was awesome.
I wish i would have gotten one 15 years ago.. at least. I had a G spot orgasim within minutes of use. I was worried it would be awkward to use. you twist the bast to turn it on, and increase the vibrations. It was pretty quiet as well.. important if you don't live alone!
The lube; the Wet, heating watermelon lube, just a small amount, and yet, it does get you in the mood. it does taste sweet, but it is a tiny bit sticky.
There were two water based lubes, one pink cherry brand, the other, I forget. Great idea, again, WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG TO GET LUBE!!!!
I have already ordered a larger vibrator and more lube. I am sure it will be nice to use, if I ever have sex with a person again..LOL
The new vibrator is 7.5 inches..maybe I will let you know....
verdict. Online shopping for sex toys, easy peasy. It really does come in a plain brown box. If you don't have one, GET ONE!! or two. Start smaller, GET LUBE!!! and enjoy.
Sunday, 8 November 2015
time passes
Time passes. Marches on. Even after a tragic event, or loss. Time for those of us left, ticks away. You might feel it stands still, yet your mortgage will still be due on the same dates, dinner is still served (and expected if you normally prepare it) at the same time. In short, while time feels different it in fact isn't. You've changed. Not the world, just you. And you won't find many concessions to your grieving.
It can feel surreal to see life go on, after losing a loved one, or going through something traumatic. How? How can we all, how can I, go on after this? But you do. Somehow you do. You might feel numb, not remember doing things, but you do. You do them, you keep going.
Mourning doesn't stop though. You are forever changed. Yet, no one seems to be able to see it. They think that because you are going through the motions, you are okay. And they want you to be okay. No one wants to keep dealing with your grief, least of all you. You want it to be over, and you fear it ending, as it feels like the last you have of your loved one. If it was a traumatic event, you want to be over it, yet, you can't go back to who you were before, and you are angry that you end up left as you are.
you don't want to be changed, to forever see the world differently. You don't want that. You want things to go back to how they were before.
But they can't and you are changed.
It can feel surreal to see life go on, after losing a loved one, or going through something traumatic. How? How can we all, how can I, go on after this? But you do. Somehow you do. You might feel numb, not remember doing things, but you do. You do them, you keep going.
Mourning doesn't stop though. You are forever changed. Yet, no one seems to be able to see it. They think that because you are going through the motions, you are okay. And they want you to be okay. No one wants to keep dealing with your grief, least of all you. You want it to be over, and you fear it ending, as it feels like the last you have of your loved one. If it was a traumatic event, you want to be over it, yet, you can't go back to who you were before, and you are angry that you end up left as you are.
you don't want to be changed, to forever see the world differently. You don't want that. You want things to go back to how they were before.
But they can't and you are changed.
do feminists dye their hair?
Do feminists dye their hair?
the short answer is yes, of course they do. Feminists can and do wear makeup, shave their legs, not shave their legs, dye their hair, have casual sex, are celibate.... you get the idea. In a perfect world, women would be able to choose to do the above mentioned things, and more, depending on what they wanted.
in the real world, however, it is not as straight forward as that. If women choose to NOT do things that are expected of them, there is a price to pay.
Choosing to not dye your hair, for example. When nearly every woman under 64 is dying, or somehow colour treating their hair, it is hard to be one of the few to not do so. You stand out. You look older. You are going to be noticed. And this isn't always bad. If you want to look older, that is. And stand out for it.
Does this mean you HAVE to dye your hair? Of course not.
I am 44, my hair is 70% (or more) white. The rest is dark dark brown. I look about 5ish with it undid. No one questions that I have a grown son. People assume my friend, 12 years younger, is my daughter. Senior citizens hit on me....
At the same time, none of that means I have to dye my hair. No one has a gun, or even a stick, pointed in my direction.
But anyone who thinks that means I really have a choice, is ignoring the bigger picture.
If I ignore that, I am am denying the experiences of myself, and other women.
A better question, though, would be why so very many women dye their hair.
It is costly, time consuming and doesn't actually make us healthier, or have any tangible physical impact on us. It is bad for the environment, and possibly for us as well.
Yet for as long as we have recorded history, we have been dying our hair.
For fun? sometimes. I started dying my hair for fun. I was 14 when my mom brought home my first dye. Flirt, in a dark plum. It coated my dark hair and made it have a purple hue in the sun. I loved it!!!
I started getting a few stray white hairs at 15. By 30 I had to dye my hair to cover the white. And I did.
Recently I decided enough of dying my hair. I let it grow out. I loved it!!!
I loved seeing and feeling my own hair.. for the first time since I was in my teens. It was healthy, thick, and it was cool seeing my own colour.
Until people started assuming I was in my 50's... and even then, I figured it was okay.
I am also dating. And, lets be honest, I am not going to be attracting guys my own age, or even in their 50s, with white hair. Men tend to want to date 5-10 years younger (minimum). That doesn't leave me a lot of men to choose from.
Again, yes, it is a choice. I choose to not shave my legs, I choose to not obsess over my weight, and I chose to not dye my hair.
And I also realized that by those choices, I was seriously limiting the men attracted to me. Something had to give. If I liked it or not..
So I dyed my hair. I have three times the profile views on POF in the first few days of posting pictures of me with none white hair..
(I had one guy who originally wanted to meet me, cancel when he saw the white haired pictures. I posted both dyed and non dyed.. both pictures in the last 6 months. Same weight, glasses and all.. just the hair different. And he said no thanks.. )
the short answer is yes, of course they do. Feminists can and do wear makeup, shave their legs, not shave their legs, dye their hair, have casual sex, are celibate.... you get the idea. In a perfect world, women would be able to choose to do the above mentioned things, and more, depending on what they wanted.
in the real world, however, it is not as straight forward as that. If women choose to NOT do things that are expected of them, there is a price to pay.
Choosing to not dye your hair, for example. When nearly every woman under 64 is dying, or somehow colour treating their hair, it is hard to be one of the few to not do so. You stand out. You look older. You are going to be noticed. And this isn't always bad. If you want to look older, that is. And stand out for it.
Does this mean you HAVE to dye your hair? Of course not.
I am 44, my hair is 70% (or more) white. The rest is dark dark brown. I look about 5ish with it undid. No one questions that I have a grown son. People assume my friend, 12 years younger, is my daughter. Senior citizens hit on me....
But anyone who thinks that means I really have a choice, is ignoring the bigger picture.
If I ignore that, I am am denying the experiences of myself, and other women.
A better question, though, would be why so very many women dye their hair.
It is costly, time consuming and doesn't actually make us healthier, or have any tangible physical impact on us. It is bad for the environment, and possibly for us as well.
Yet for as long as we have recorded history, we have been dying our hair.
For fun? sometimes. I started dying my hair for fun. I was 14 when my mom brought home my first dye. Flirt, in a dark plum. It coated my dark hair and made it have a purple hue in the sun. I loved it!!!
I started getting a few stray white hairs at 15. By 30 I had to dye my hair to cover the white. And I did.
Recently I decided enough of dying my hair. I let it grow out. I loved it!!!
I loved seeing and feeling my own hair.. for the first time since I was in my teens. It was healthy, thick, and it was cool seeing my own colour.
Until people started assuming I was in my 50's... and even then, I figured it was okay.
I am also dating. And, lets be honest, I am not going to be attracting guys my own age, or even in their 50s, with white hair. Men tend to want to date 5-10 years younger (minimum). That doesn't leave me a lot of men to choose from.
Again, yes, it is a choice. I choose to not shave my legs, I choose to not obsess over my weight, and I chose to not dye my hair.
And I also realized that by those choices, I was seriously limiting the men attracted to me. Something had to give. If I liked it or not..
So I dyed my hair. I have three times the profile views on POF in the first few days of posting pictures of me with none white hair..
(I had one guy who originally wanted to meet me, cancel when he saw the white haired pictures. I posted both dyed and non dyed.. both pictures in the last 6 months. Same weight, glasses and all.. just the hair different. And he said no thanks.. )
Sunday, 1 November 2015
how my marriage ended
Oh the joys of online dating.
It has been almost a year of online dating as as singleton. I started dating the summer of last year, while I was still married.
We were trying out poly, or to some people, an open marriage. We taked a LOT and agreed to ground rules, that worked for us. We talked about what we, or to be specific, what I wanted. (we had tried poly a few years ago, for my husband, but it didn't work out. His personality was not a bold one, he could only meet women I brought to him, and this got old for me, pretty fast)
Myself, I started out dating only women. wow, talk about a small pond!! You try finding a poly bi woman.. yah.. yet, I put myself out there and did meet women.
I was on OK Cupid and Fet Life. I joined poly groups, read a lot of message boards and blogs.
I met Tracey, who seemed pretty awesome. We met at a Poly Mixer in New West. Through Fet Life. last summer.
As my husband was okay with it,we would go to meet ups together. He was not interested in dating, I suspect because he was worried he would not be able to find women to date. He suffered from low self esteem. But he went and seemed interested in my experiences.
However, after I met Tracey, he decided to give it a go himself. He specifically was interested in Tracey. This went against our rules, as to not dating each others partners. We just were not ready for that, it was a mutual decision. BUT like many rules, one cannot makes rules for the heart, so I excused his lack of respect for our rules. My mistake, though at the time I thought I was just being a good partner and putting his needs first. Like I said, a mistake. TBH, our marriage was a great deal of my putting his needs first, as I would discover later on.
This is all history for me now, as it happened last summer. Over a year ago now.
Tracey also seemed interested in my husband. My husband and I talked, and I agreed I would back off, and let him pursue a relationship with her. However, Tracey did not agree to this. She was rather pissed off, and told him so. I think she hoped to see me, or both of us, but certainly not just him. My husband took it hard, but he decided to actively pursue women after that. He set up an OK Cupid profile for himself.
I won't go into it right now, but I did see a whole new side to him, watching how he dated. WOW. What an eye opener. If it were possible, I would love to see any future partner date, just to see how they treat women. Though, I suspect that what I should do is demand a higher standard of treatment for myself.
More will follow on how HE dated. This is about my dating experiences.
After this I met a lovely woman, R. She was pretty, sweet, and we had a lot in common. She had two boyfriends and more experience in the poly world. We got along great and established right at the start that we were not sleeping with each others partners.
My husband and I went to her place for a kinky poly meet up dinner. It was nice. The crowd was more our ages, and we had a good time. My husband, lets call him C, was impressed with how well R and her partners all got along. C assumed that with two or more men, there would be fighting. He was so impressed he said I could date men, if I so chose to do. Besides he said, it seemed 'so easy for me to see him date other women, it couldn't be that hard.' I did caution that it was actually a bit of work, to see ones partner date, and it did take effort on my part. I had poly friends to talk to, I was very honest with myself, and took emotional inventory often.
He wasn't swayed, he felt we could handle this, more specifically, that he could handle it. easy peasy.
Well, let me tell you, it is WAY easier to meet poly dudes than poly bi women!!!
I started looking for men as well as women. I had a fair amount of interest, and that did depress C as he (being a dude) had less interest. I was usually talking to 2-3 different men at a time, going on dates every weekend. Yet, despite this, no one clicked.
Until J. The date started as awkwardly as any other date, we met for coffee. He was cute enough, a bit shy, and older than I was used to dating, but, we got along well texting...
We had coffee and went for a walk, and really clicked. He turned me on, it was exciting and fun. We had a couple of dates, he met my hubby, and by the third date we were intimate. and by intimate, I mean fucking like bunnies. The sex was AWESOME. He even slept over, in the spare bed, though no sex.
Meanwhile, C is NOT taking this well.. not at all.. In fact, even though he has met someone, Shauna, he is rather upset at my success.. and he is VERY upset I am having sex. He won't give his new GF up, and he won't ask me to give J up, instead, he breaks up with me.
Honestly, at this point it is a relief. He has been moody and mean to me. Making fun of my feminism, and saying other hurtful things. I don't want to go into it now, but I could see things were not going well for us.
Now you might ask, why not call the whole thing off? I suppose if I hadn't seen that side of him, if he was still the man I fell in love with, I would have. But seeing this side of him, well, honestly, I didn't want to be with him. I just didn't have the courage to end it, or maybe I just wanted to keep trying. I am still deciding the answer as to why I stayed, even when he clearly had so little respect for me.
So, J and I still saw each other. We met mid November, and early December C broke it off with me. By mid December C was packed and by Xmas he was gone. I broke it off with J by Xmas, and was back together with him by the end of December. It was an emotional time for me, and REALLY FUCKING hard.
You can judge me, I can see that it would be easy to. Whatever, we can always judge each other. Easy peasy.
I took a break from dating anyone excepting J. He seemed to be happy to just date me as well. But things changed between us. I doubt he ever had any intention of just dating me. It was different when I had a 'main' relationship. We broke up for good early January. I took a break from dating.
When I did start dating again, I was different. No longer as optimistic, tired, worn out and sad, I was a different person, coming from a different place. I took regular breaks, met a few men and women, but nothing ever happened. In fact, I haven't had sex this year. I suspect I will end the year without having had sex. Yah to a sexless 2015.
J and I have stayed friends. and by stayed friends, I mean that if I don't contact him, he ignores me. I am not sure, but, I feel hung up on him still. I just can't seem to let it go. I have tried to understand why, but, I never fully resolve it for myself. He has been over for dinner... he seems to be completely uninterested in me as a partner, I did ask if he was even interested in FWB as the sex, for a bit, had been really good. Now, I just can't trust him enough to think of having sex with him, yet still, I have to confess, I miss him.
This post is getting long, and I find I am starting to ramble.
Dating, it is fucking hard. I guess this is a prelude, and the next post will go more into that.
It has been almost a year of online dating as as singleton. I started dating the summer of last year, while I was still married.
We were trying out poly, or to some people, an open marriage. We taked a LOT and agreed to ground rules, that worked for us. We talked about what we, or to be specific, what I wanted. (we had tried poly a few years ago, for my husband, but it didn't work out. His personality was not a bold one, he could only meet women I brought to him, and this got old for me, pretty fast)
Myself, I started out dating only women. wow, talk about a small pond!! You try finding a poly bi woman.. yah.. yet, I put myself out there and did meet women.
I was on OK Cupid and Fet Life. I joined poly groups, read a lot of message boards and blogs.
I met Tracey, who seemed pretty awesome. We met at a Poly Mixer in New West. Through Fet Life. last summer.
As my husband was okay with it,we would go to meet ups together. He was not interested in dating, I suspect because he was worried he would not be able to find women to date. He suffered from low self esteem. But he went and seemed interested in my experiences.
However, after I met Tracey, he decided to give it a go himself. He specifically was interested in Tracey. This went against our rules, as to not dating each others partners. We just were not ready for that, it was a mutual decision. BUT like many rules, one cannot makes rules for the heart, so I excused his lack of respect for our rules. My mistake, though at the time I thought I was just being a good partner and putting his needs first. Like I said, a mistake. TBH, our marriage was a great deal of my putting his needs first, as I would discover later on.
This is all history for me now, as it happened last summer. Over a year ago now.
Tracey also seemed interested in my husband. My husband and I talked, and I agreed I would back off, and let him pursue a relationship with her. However, Tracey did not agree to this. She was rather pissed off, and told him so. I think she hoped to see me, or both of us, but certainly not just him. My husband took it hard, but he decided to actively pursue women after that. He set up an OK Cupid profile for himself.
I won't go into it right now, but I did see a whole new side to him, watching how he dated. WOW. What an eye opener. If it were possible, I would love to see any future partner date, just to see how they treat women. Though, I suspect that what I should do is demand a higher standard of treatment for myself.
More will follow on how HE dated. This is about my dating experiences.
After this I met a lovely woman, R. She was pretty, sweet, and we had a lot in common. She had two boyfriends and more experience in the poly world. We got along great and established right at the start that we were not sleeping with each others partners.
My husband and I went to her place for a kinky poly meet up dinner. It was nice. The crowd was more our ages, and we had a good time. My husband, lets call him C, was impressed with how well R and her partners all got along. C assumed that with two or more men, there would be fighting. He was so impressed he said I could date men, if I so chose to do. Besides he said, it seemed 'so easy for me to see him date other women, it couldn't be that hard.' I did caution that it was actually a bit of work, to see ones partner date, and it did take effort on my part. I had poly friends to talk to, I was very honest with myself, and took emotional inventory often.
He wasn't swayed, he felt we could handle this, more specifically, that he could handle it. easy peasy.
Well, let me tell you, it is WAY easier to meet poly dudes than poly bi women!!!
I started looking for men as well as women. I had a fair amount of interest, and that did depress C as he (being a dude) had less interest. I was usually talking to 2-3 different men at a time, going on dates every weekend. Yet, despite this, no one clicked.
Until J. The date started as awkwardly as any other date, we met for coffee. He was cute enough, a bit shy, and older than I was used to dating, but, we got along well texting...
We had coffee and went for a walk, and really clicked. He turned me on, it was exciting and fun. We had a couple of dates, he met my hubby, and by the third date we were intimate. and by intimate, I mean fucking like bunnies. The sex was AWESOME. He even slept over, in the spare bed, though no sex.
Meanwhile, C is NOT taking this well.. not at all.. In fact, even though he has met someone, Shauna, he is rather upset at my success.. and he is VERY upset I am having sex. He won't give his new GF up, and he won't ask me to give J up, instead, he breaks up with me.
Honestly, at this point it is a relief. He has been moody and mean to me. Making fun of my feminism, and saying other hurtful things. I don't want to go into it now, but I could see things were not going well for us.
Now you might ask, why not call the whole thing off? I suppose if I hadn't seen that side of him, if he was still the man I fell in love with, I would have. But seeing this side of him, well, honestly, I didn't want to be with him. I just didn't have the courage to end it, or maybe I just wanted to keep trying. I am still deciding the answer as to why I stayed, even when he clearly had so little respect for me.
So, J and I still saw each other. We met mid November, and early December C broke it off with me. By mid December C was packed and by Xmas he was gone. I broke it off with J by Xmas, and was back together with him by the end of December. It was an emotional time for me, and REALLY FUCKING hard.
You can judge me, I can see that it would be easy to. Whatever, we can always judge each other. Easy peasy.
I took a break from dating anyone excepting J. He seemed to be happy to just date me as well. But things changed between us. I doubt he ever had any intention of just dating me. It was different when I had a 'main' relationship. We broke up for good early January. I took a break from dating.
When I did start dating again, I was different. No longer as optimistic, tired, worn out and sad, I was a different person, coming from a different place. I took regular breaks, met a few men and women, but nothing ever happened. In fact, I haven't had sex this year. I suspect I will end the year without having had sex. Yah to a sexless 2015.
J and I have stayed friends. and by stayed friends, I mean that if I don't contact him, he ignores me. I am not sure, but, I feel hung up on him still. I just can't seem to let it go. I have tried to understand why, but, I never fully resolve it for myself. He has been over for dinner... he seems to be completely uninterested in me as a partner, I did ask if he was even interested in FWB as the sex, for a bit, had been really good. Now, I just can't trust him enough to think of having sex with him, yet still, I have to confess, I miss him.
This post is getting long, and I find I am starting to ramble.
Dating, it is fucking hard. I guess this is a prelude, and the next post will go more into that.
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