How did I get here??
I was working as a receptionist at a large Vancouver company when I got hit by one of many rounds of lay offs, September 2015. A couple of weeks after I was let go, I had a new job. It seemed pretty easy. An old friend, who left my company years ago, said her company was hiring. Easy peasy, good fit, same job, just a lot slower, and less duties.
BUT I wasn't loving it. I lasted seven months and found a new job, with another old work friend.
I would love to tell you all about how horrible that was, but, I am just too tired. Too worn out.
I have been applying for work, had a fair amount of interviews, but, in one weeks time, I am just as unemployed as the day I quit.. yah, I just quit.
What is worrying me, is that something is wrong with me. It was very impulsive of me to just quit, what the hell is wrong with me? I am kinda dizzy, sometimes I kind of fall over.. and today, I put a shirt on, and had no idea what shirt I was wearing until close to 3pm today. And, it was one of my
favourite t shirts. That really concerns me.
Not much I can do though, but keep going on, keep trying to find work.
I have no savings, though in the last year I have had some money (not tons) come my way, instead I just spent it on stuff, clothes, makeup, and things for the house. Not bad purchases, but certainly not needed... oh, and a lap top, paid some of my sons debt down.. I mean, not bad, but I could have been way more frugal.
Honestly, I am barely keeping it together a lot of the time. This past March I was very close to just ending it all, but, I didn't. I can't really tell anyone it is that bad, it won't do any good, and just burden them. It's not like they can do anything for me. I have good friends, but I have been isolating myself, and that worries me, but again, I can't seem to stop.
Self care has been hard. I have been keeping clean, and getting up in the mornings. I am not sure what I am supposed to do, but, keep on keeping on. I apply for jobs, I go to interviews and I tell myself if I had a good job, it would help, I would be fine.
I am not sure that is true, but maybe it would help?
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